Bullshit, the law of attraction, self love and bridging the gap.

Last night I was talking to this guy I’m interested in.  Sent him this  quiz I thought was funny to get your ‘cute nickname’  We exchanged results and he then told me that the result he got was also the name of one of his ex’s toys.

Generally I’m not very comfortable with expressing vulnerability with people I don’t fully trust.  To be quite honest, I think the only person I really reveal myself to, to the fullest extent (of my current capabilities) is my friend Jocelyn.

But I digress.  I kind of passive-aggressively expressed my discomfort with the information, which then led on to a discussion about bullshit and bullshitting.  He then let me know that he is intense and listens attentively (intently as he put it) and that it would cause me to ‘hate’ him because the extent of his observation causes people to get away with less and less bullshit.

Over the past couple of years I’ve been working on really getting in touch with myself.  Every day I am less and less wrapped up in impressing anyone or trying to get anyone to see me in a certain light.  Trying to just do me and attract the right things and people into my life.

Basically I try to keep bullshit at a minimal.

I expressed that I ‘generally try to avoid bullshitting’  Also made note to let him know that that doesnt mean that I am always open and up front (although these are traits I am working on strengthening).  I then indicated that honest people don’t need good memories and that it takes a lot of work to keep up with your own bullshit.

In response he stated with no intent to ‘insult’ me, that he had heard something along the lines of that [good memory line] from a couple of the biggest liars he had ever known.

I asked if they were able to keep up with their BS and he clarified that it wasn’t necessarily ‘lies’ but more so that the world had always reinforced the feeling of inadequacy in them, so you [he?] could never really tell who they were.

Trying to stay on track with the intent of being open… or trying to open up more and express myself, I let him know that I am still in the process of figuring out who I am.  That not even I am aware to the fullest extent of who I am, regardless, to my utmost abilities I try to be genuine.  That I do so in order to attract the like into my life.  I try to follow the law of attraction.

I actually said ‘rule of attraction’ in which he kind stated that he thought the rule of attraction was that opposites attract.  Although I’ve heard that before, that pushed me to clarify and correct what I said, because that is far from what I was getting at.  I explained that the law of attraction basically attracting what you are: The thoughts you have are the things you manifest, the disposition you have is what you see, the vibrations you emit are the type you attract.  If you’re pessimistic, the world looks crappy.  If you see someone in a bad light, their flaws tend to be much more amplified than their qualities.  If you’re not yourself, you attract others with false ‘identity’

He noted that he saw my claims but professed that it doesn’t seem to be the case for him and the people he encounters.

I asked him if he really thought so, but didn’t really wait for him to answer, rather I just conveyed that the law of attraction seems to be working wonders in my life.  Also made sure to put out that things aren’t going to be perfect all the time (because lets be honest, life is a constant ebb and flow).  But. over the past few years I have really shifted my perception on EVERYTHING.  My sense of self has gotten a lot stronger and my life truly feels like its going in the right direction.  I’m finding motivation from MYSELF (not gonna lie, Jocelyn hella motivates me too.  Shit, even this guy makes me feel motivated)

It works for me.

He claimed that he has never met any one on his ‘realness level’  (and yes,  this guy is one of the few people I’ve met that is incredibly real.  The other two being a couple of my best friends, Stephanie and Jocelyn)

I just replied with “maybe people at your level are few and far between”  And yeah, they are considering I’ve met and befriended many people in my life and I can only count the ‘realest’ on a few fingers, not even a whole hand.  It’s inspiring and definitely a quality I’m trying to emulate.

I said that perhaps being ‘incredibly real’ is both a blessing and a curse.

Bridging the gap  I then linked him to this at this time to share what Snoop Dog had to say.  Although he’s talking about success in the music industry, I really feel is a strong and accurate metaphor of general relationships and success/growth in life as a whole.

I then went on to share a little train of thought that I had in the kitchen a few days prior while washing dishes.   I was thinking about how I love myself more than I could love anyone (aside from my daughter, whom is the only person I wlll probably prioritize higher than myself)

Anyway, I decided to google that to see if someone more relevant than myself had said that in the past, because I didn’t want to quote myself if someone had said something of the like in the past.  (even if someone ‘relevant’ didnt say it, still sure SOMEONE has at least thought it.)  Instead an image popped up, one of those ‘teenager post #1234970’ kind of things.  It was a girl with long hair standing in a field, the sun was at that point where it’s kind of setting but its SUPER bright, kind of causing a slight silhouette. The girls back was towards the photo, faced off toward the sunset.  It had a very melancholy feel.  There was the text plastered over it that said ‘I realize now that you love yourself more than you could ever love me’.  Instead of quoting myself on tumblr, I instead posted this image with the commentary “I hope so, because I love myself more than I could ever love you”  (Though I feel I need to straighten out that just because I cant, or wont love someone as much as I love myself, doesn’t mean that they cant come damn near close. Heck, you know what?  Perhaps I COULD love another as much as I love myself… Loving yourself grants you the ability to truly love others)

Oh, I’ve also been listening to Shake it off by Taylor Swift on repeat since yesterday.  My new favorite song.

Shake it off – Taylor Swift
/abrupt end


5 thoughts on “Bullshit, the law of attraction, self love and bridging the gap.

  1. I find it very intriguing his idea of bullshit and bullshitting. Firstly though, I just want to say that, I do in a way find that a bizarre comment about his ex. sex toy. Not saying it’s you*bad* but where do you come along to say that. Like, you know how people things for no reason whatsoever, serves no purpose to the person you’re speaking with? It’s like that. For ex. I don’t think Tom would ever say that…LOL also, I find it ironic to talk about bullshit and bullshitting. In my opinion, that is a bullshit statement. Bullshitting as in “shooting the shit”, not fronting or making up crap. I still think your guys convo/concept of bullshit/buttshitting/lying/fraudish behavior is very interesting- coming for a person who borderline pathologically lied as a child…I find this intriguing. I think, still, all of this stems from your ability to be true to yourself, because then you can be true and honest with others. Not being able to confront your true self is generally what encourages people to be bullshitters, you know? Or fake. Whatever you wanna call it. Also, the NEED to be accepted by others. Which all would be irrelevant if you were accepting and at peace with yourself. Frankly, I dunno, I STILL think that my honestly of later days stems from a sense of adequacy that I see in myself, which I did not in the past. I did, in many ways, hold a false persona, simply because 1. I didn’t know who I was 2. What I did know, I did not like 3. Literally, I thought the real me was supper shitty, hence I did not show the real me EVER. Coming to terms with flaws has made an impact. Now no one can use them against me, not even my life as a fraud. I accept myself, which is enough.

    • I kind of thought it was an odd comment to make as well. My instincts are telling me that he’s trying to test me or something. I tend to be pretty guarded and I’m often told I’m hard to read you know? Maybe he’s trying to pull out some kind of emotion… I dunno. It’s kind of like how I saw those pictures on his tumblr with that girl and read about them sleeping in the car. I don’t think I’m particularly special (Like I mean, I think I’m the shit, but really, everyone either is or has the potential to be ‘the shit’) or anything so my mind kind of wanders. But at the same time, I dont think things are really at a point between us where I should bring that up. I already told him I know he’s gonna do him and I’m ok with that. And I am, we’re not exclusive or anything. Regardless, I’m human and I do get insecure. Really, what I want is some clarity, but I dont really want to have a discussion about that whole deal over the internet.

      Your take on bullshitting is on point. That’s damn near how I feel, which is why I try to make it a point when I speak that I dont know what Im talking about if I dont, or that my information isnt sourcefully backed (coming out of my ass/my own experiences) I try to correct myself when I’m wrong and I try to take corrections in stride. I’m trying to be as real as I can when it comes to me, and however anyone else interprets that is their biz.

      • I dunno, I’m really not as observant as you are, and frankly, you know when it comes to conversation with me, nothing is off the table- but I can sense when something is out of place or oddly placed or just not coming from a genuine/positive place. I don’t think that statement was necessary nor do I think he is that loosely guarded vocally (totally coming off how you describe him), where he would not realize that would be a not so smart thing to say. But, like I said. It all comes down to how he interpreted your relationship. Which is why I agree it is totally 100% necessary to have a discussion. I am not saying that it is not a *bad* relationship to have where you folks are friends that just shoot the shit and you bullshit all day everyday- with a disregard for possible romantic prospects. I mean, seriously a true friend is a friend that dicks you down right? LOOOOOL *dead Either way, you ARE human, you are human down to your core with emotions and tendencies like everyone else. You get your feelings hurt like everyone else no matter how big you are, no matter what level your own. You’re still human down to your core, you know?

        In terms of your last paragraph, I get a hint of ego in there. But you know what, in my opinion, ego and self esteem are two totally different factions that imitate each other. When you are at peace with yourself your ego does not need to protect you. Because down to your core, you feel worthy of your statements, of all the space you take up, ect ect, and you don’t NEED to defend yourself. You don’t get offended. You can correct yourself, you can better yourself, you can be real and honest with your flaws (and successes) because shit, like you said- all that aside “I don’t think I’m particularly special (Like I mean, I think I’m the shit, but really, everyone either is or has the potential to be ‘the shit’”. You’re genuine. You don’t need to uphold your persona. Your person, who you are, is natural. And ever changing.

  2. Reblogged this on The.Most.Tragic and commented:
    Gonna reblog this post by Nicole just for a small tid bit she wrote, “Bridging the gap (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohqwBaFy1CI#t=251) I then linked him to this at this time to share what Snoop Dog had to say. Although he’s talking about success in the music industry, I really feel is a strong and accurate metaphor of general relationships and success/growth in life as a whole. ”

    I finally watched this video and damn, this really resonated with me. I think if people are way behind you, no longer in sight even, you can still hold on. But, mind you-that rope is stretching, yes, and it might pop, but don’t intentionally cut that cord. On the other hand, if that person is tugging at that rope, if that person is trying to pull you back down. You better cut that cord before they pull you down on your ass. Because believe me, they will tug and you’re gonna trip and fall on that rope.

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