A repost of a conversation I had with Alex Patterson in 2010.

6:41amAlex

the illness i was refering to that i manifested in my last message was schitsophrenia. it sucks. i really did provoke it mentally and physically

6:41amMe

Really?

6:41amAlex

and it grew alot. i see things that are not really there all day, everyday, hear things that im damn sure aint there

as real as it gets.

6:41amMe

My older brother developed schizophrenia

6:41amAlex

really? how is he handling it?

6:42amMe

I think he’s in jail. He isn’t handling it well. In denial, just really losing it

and now that I’m gone, he really has no one

I honestly hate thinking about it

6:42amAlex

yea.. it fuckin sucks hitting that point

damn…

ok well dont

hey

6:42amMe

lol

6:43amAlex

have you seen sit down shut up on comedy central?

its awesome show hilarious

6:43amMe

My mother is always updating me about him

And sometimes it makes me cry

I’m glad you’re not gone, at least

6:43amAlex

no for real though i cna undertand not wanting to talk about it, me talking about my perception problems causes it

6:43amMe

No I havent. We dont have cable

6:43amAlex

i literally saw a gargoyle in my bathroom a couple hours ago

no joke dude. ive seen the craziest things in my life all of which my own min conjured

6:44amMe

Let’s be optimistic and just say

you’re permafried

6:44amAlex

it was a gargoyle?!?!

6:44amMe

or maybe even semi permafried

6:44amAlex

yea thats the gist of it

but it goes a little deeper then that

ive had it before i did drugs

and drugs made it worse

i seen some things that just made no sense. that were so fucking real, in reality (if i can even call it that) and there is no physically possible way it could have been there, but i saw it.

6:46amMe

You want to hear my take on schizophrenia?

6:46amAlex

i seen a 10 foot long black panther parading through ewa beach the other week

sure please

6:46amMe

LOL

6:46amAlex

for real dude, i dont bullshit about shit like this

6:46amMe

the whole seeing and hearing things that are ‘not there’ I kind of think

that it could be your mind just kind of expanding

and you’re tapping into alternate dimensions

or maybe even seeing spirits

Maybe my thoughts are retarded

But we only use about 10% of our brains

no one knows what the rest of it will make you see, or hear or make you capable of

I think if you have schozophrenia

and you can differenciate what you see and what everyone else sees

it’s more of an exciting gift

than an illness

But like I said, this is just me, and I might be retarded

I;ve always loked forward to amazingly terrifying trips on drugs

alas, I never had any

Might be because I embraced the thought

6:51amAlex

no, really nicole, thats what it is. and it took my awhile to understand that, but i have been able to FULLY tap into what i thought was another deminsion, and you are exactly right, i think what plays into why its so appauling is that your imagination becomes fluid not only in your mind, but amongst your senses, and because of this expanding it allows you to see that of which most do not, and also your own imagination, and really, it is a gift, and i am proud that i have been able to experience it, so you are right on it, hit the nail on the head if you ask me.

6:51amMe

that LOL wasnt me laughing at you. I just think that seeing a panther walking around in ewa is both bizzare and pretty fucking cool

6:52amAlex

yea it was nuts, that aint even the tip of the ice berg, ive had alot of fucked up ones too

i seen a combination of 2 girls i knew in rehab combined into one, even as far as the clothing they were wearing

on my last birthday

at about 3 am, i heard my deceased father call my name twice

though im pretty sure that wasnt the scitso talking, i think he migtha been really saying something

whats even more nuts is i dont know what my fathers voice sounds like, but when i heard that, i knew.

6:54amMe

That’s pretty amazing

6:54amAlex

i asked my mom exactly what his voice sounded like and described to her and the whole sitution and she started crying alot

6:54amMe

Shit like that is the reason I use drugs

6:54amAlex

again i have no idea what he sounds like and i knew…

what you mean?

6:55amMe

Just amazing surreal experiences

Like when you takemushrooms and you can see the color of peoples auras

6:56amAlex

for me, that is part of the reason i use drugs. sometimes my perception of reality gets very tainted to a point where i think im gonna break, then i go out and drink a beer and im all good haha

oh yea dude. ive got that shit permanently now

i see through people like water.

6:56amMe

how yoLike stephanie and I

We connect so well on drugs, it’s like we tap into eachothers minds

we can communicate without even speaking

6:56amAlex

it happens

6:57amMe

Something like that is both a blessing and a curse

6:58amAlex

of coarse, as always. thats how ive always described it. though it allows me to see aspects of life almost noone does and perceive everything much differently allowing me to expand more, hearing my deceased father call me name on my birthday at 3 am when im rolling wasnt all that cool. lol

6:59amMe

I’m a little jealous

I dont even dream anymore

sometimes I feel like my brain is deteriorating, and every day I get a little bit dumber and less creative

7:00amAlex

oh god dont be. its much more curse then blessing i assure you that. my mind is literally deteriorating because of it. like alzheimers status. its getting worse and worse….

well that means you are not exercising your mind enough

probably in areas where it needs to be. physically exercise is also a pretty big requirement to keep your mind fresh too yaknow, but i know nothing about mind freshness. lol

7:02amMe

I walk about six miles four to five times a week

that’s all the exersize I really get though

I’m not as fat as I was in HAwaii

But my diet is horrible

7:02amAlex

oh wow. thats alot

7:02amMe

I walk to work

7:03amAlex

damn yo. yea you gotta be saving for that ride yo for sure.

7:03amMe

yep

I need to get there before winter

walking to work this past winter was brutal

I probably lost 20 lbs

havent weight myself in over a year

not over

a little under

weighed*

7:04amAlex

damn dude. i bet that must be brutal. fuckin 6 miles. most likely in snow. shit dude. hardcore lol

well shit im getting tired, the ritalin is wearing off hahha

im gonna hit the hey

7:05amMe

I should probably do the same, for atl couple hrs at least.

Take care of yourself!

sweet dreams

7:05amAlex

yea you should

you too. keep your head up, it was nice talking to you

peace out mane.